September 4th, 2010
This weekend may be a bit of a bust, weather-wise, for Labor Day Weekend on Keuka Lake, but I’m not retiring my flip flops for the summer yet.
In fact, I will not wear any other shoes this weekend. Bare feet and flip flops it is, even when it dips down into the 50’s tonight.
Many people I know are ready for fall. I’m not. As much as I love the colors of autumn, wearing a sweater but not needing a jacket… it’s just not time yet.
I will, however, work on a real post for this blog. Finally.
August 21st, 2010
I’m apartment hunting. Floor plans are important to me. One complex I’m researching online is obviously overhauling their website and does not have images available online- so I fill out the request form and ask if a floor plan can be emailed to me. The following is 100% true and word for word (minus identifying things for the apartment complex and the unfortunate idiot that was emailing with me).
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To: kyle@home
From: Lazy@apartmentcommunity
Subject: Floor Plan (1/1- 1 Bedroom, 1 Bathroom)
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To: lazy@apartmentcommunity
From: kyle@home
Subject: RE: Floor Plan (1/1- 1 Bedroom, 1 Bathroom)
That is the same thing that is on your website- you’ll notice it says FLOOR PLAN IMAGE CURRENTLY NOT AVAILABLE.
I was hoping you might have some other form of digital image of the floor plan.
Thank you.
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To: kyle@home
From: lazy@apartmentcommunity
Subject: RE: Floor Plan (1/1- 1Bedroom, 1 Bathroom)
Dear Mr. Kyle P. (he actually only used my full last name here)
We are currently in the process of updating our website and would like to extend our apologies for not having the information you were looking for readily available. However, please feel free to contact our office and schedule an appointment and we would be happy to tour you through our community and show you the 1 bedroom apartment that is currently available. We do have a list of prospective residents who are also looking for 1 bedrooms so we cannot guarantee that the unit will still be available at the time of your call.
Sincerely,
Lazy McLazerton
Apartment Community
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To: lazy@apartmentcommunity
From: kyle@home
Subject: RE: Floor Plan (1/1- 1 Bedroom, 1 Bathroom)
Dear Lazy,
1. I noticed the website was not complete, that’s why I emailed and asked for a floor plan.
2. After asking around…, I’ve heard {bad things}…. Because I’d like to live somewhere {that doesn’t have bad things}, I’m guessing that Apartment Community will be a good spot for me.
3. I’m female.
But I appreciate your assistance.
Thanks,
Kyle Anne P.
—————
To: lazy@apartmentcommunity
From: kyle@home
Subject: RE: Floor Plan (1/1- 1 Bedroom, 1 Bathroom)
My apologies. I meant that Apartment Community would not be a good spot for me.
Thanks.
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Lesson to be learned: Don’t assume gender because of a name. You might get a not-so-nice email that doesn’t make sense, then ANOTHER one explaining what the pissed off person at the other end of the computer was trying to say. :( </fail>
August 5th, 2010
If you’ve been reading for a while you might remember my summertime to-do list. I wrote it four months ago when I was getting very amped up for this summer. We were getting a taste of the weather that was to come, and I was itching for summertime fun.
I’m revisiting the list for the first time just now and realizing that of the ten items… I’ve only completed two.
And waterskiing.
That’s right- behind the pontoon boat. (Please ignore the horrendous form; the fact that I got my ass out of the water is the only thing we should be focusing on.) It wasn’t just me that managed to defy the odds- both my brother and our friend Pat made a show of it. (Pat even droped a ski… quite the show off.)
Logistically speaking, this was supposed to be one of the more difficult items on my list to accomplish. I lacked any and all confidence in the ability of our little booze barge to pull anything out of the water. We had to borrow skiis. If you look closely, you’ll even notice that we didn’t have a good tow rope- that’s a double handle ski rope you’re looking at, circa maybe 1986. And yet… we did it.
So I’m frustrated that the majority of my list remains incomplete. I’ve kayaked a lot, but still don’t have my own. I almost died biking with my brother the other weekend and am nervous to try and tackle the entire lake (although I do realize I might stand a chance if I’m not hungover. There was that little lesson learned…) I’ve not hiked, picnic’d, seen the inside of a tent, or sailed. My yoga practice is… well… out of practice, really. (There was that one morning I did it on the patio at the cottage, discussing the passing fishing boat with my brother while finishing up in a headstand… but that’s far from the retreat I was looking for.) And skinny dipping? I even missed my chance on that one. (Had party, got drunk, find out next day friends went skinny dipping… and I… don’t know where I was. But I’ll put money on the fact that I was somewhere sputtering incoherent, unintelligible drunk Kylespeak.)
Four months from now… oh shit, there will be snow on the ground. I wish this would motivate me to roll through my list, but I didn’t come up with the tagline simply because it sounded neat. Maybe we’ll just carry over the list to next summer…
July 28th, 2010
Decide last minute (while bored at work) to return to cottage for remainder of week, with brothers consent. Realize cat has been home cooped up alone since last Friday. Run home from work to pick up cat and obtain other necessities from house. Head towards Keuka Lake with cursory stop at Wegmans. Promise cat that car is parked in sufficient shade, crack windows, run inside. Peruse beer options a tad to long, remember cat, run to checkout. Wait patiently while idiot lady exercises excessive coupon usage. Roll up in turn, dig for Shoppers Club Card. Realize wallet is not in purse. Or in cart. (Check in purse again for confirmation.) Cashier explains that entire order can be suspended and picked up at Customer Service Desk once wallet is retrieved from car. Run to car, apologize to cat for delay, dig for wallet. Look around parking lot for wallet. Remember wallet is on dresser. At home. 15 minutes away. Haul ass out of parking lot, head towards home. Hear bad loud noises coming from under car. Look in rear view mirror to see part that has separated from car tumbling down highway behind with cars swerving to miss hitting it. Chuckle. Make wise decision to text status to Facebook while driving, letting everyone know car is P.O.S. and apologize to anyone that may have been in vicinity of rogue car part. Drown out cats loud protests (informing of intense displeasure of being confined in cat carrier for extended period of time) by rolling down windows. Notice loud rattling noise that once existed during acceleration has disappeared. Text responses to comments on Facebook status. Also notice odd, intense chemical smell. Text additional responses to comments on Facebook status. Arrive home, retrieve wallet, return to store, purchase items. Learn from kind customer service gal that shopping sans wallet is actually rather common- (fun fact- 4-5 times a day someone gets to the checkout only to realize they are a dumb-ass.) Return to car, haul ass to parents to drop off annoyingly whiny cat. Arrive at cottage. Unload shit. Kick car.
Enjoy glass of wine on patio.
