thou shalt not save bridesmaid dresses **UPDATED**

June 1, 2010

Today I decided to give my closet a massive heave-ho.  Maybe once every couple years or so this mood hits, and I really purge out stuff.  I’ve been beyond frustrated lately with my serious commitment to the Insanity workouts (not joking here- cardio 6 days a week for 5 weeks now)… with no visible results.  I’m feeling somewhat defeated.  Instead of doing today’s workout, I decide to get rid of all those clothes I’ve been hanging on to in hopes that I might fit back into them someday (along with other shit that I haven’t worn in years.)

I was making my way through things, allowing myself a few moments of nostalgia for some items…A dress I’d worn to a friend’s wedding; the skirt I’d purchased for my first day at the Corporate Sales Job; little warm weather tops that tie in back (oh, the tags were still on those…)  Some things I keep even though I know I may never have a chance to wear them again.  There’s a great floor length black gown that’s perfect for a black tie event… I’ve only worn it once… (it still fits!)… so it stays.

All the way in the back of my closet are 2 of the 7 bridesmaid dresses I own.  (That’s right, S.E.V.E.N.)  For some reason, the ones that I wore in ’08 and ’09 are in a closet at my parents house.  The two that I have here are from a wedding in 2007 and a wedding that never happened in 2005.  The first one I ever wore (2002 I believe?) is also at my parents, there’s another one here that is actually a dress that I owned previously (hallelujah to the girls that let you wear your own clothes!)… somewhere I also have a hot pink number from JC Penny (but I don’t care where it is.  100% honesty here ladies- saving your girls a buck by picking a $40 POS from Pennys expecting it’s something “they can wear again”?  They’ll never wear it again.)

But oh.  That dress from the cancelled nuptials in 2005?  Yeah.  That’s the smallest bridesmaid dress I own.  I never got to wear it.  The tags are still on it.

I put it on.

I zipped it up.


I’m stuck.

It took me some serious breathe-in, breathe-out action to get this puppy zipped… and now I’m fucked.  I thought about cutting it off.  But… what if I can sell it on E-Bay?  (Remember?  Tags!  Still on it!!)  (Yes, I’ve had it for 5 years and not yet done that… but whatever.)  I’m not terribly uncomfortable, honestly… just can’t take full breaths… and yes, I’m sitting here typing, wearing the dumb dress.

I knew I should have gotten rid of these things.  Who really wants to be reminded that they’ve been in so many weddings?  Good lord, even Katherine Heigl didn’t get stuck in one of her old dresses in the movie 27 Dresses... I’m not saving all these things for my friends to wear at my wedding (god knows that’s not on the docket anytime soon, anyway!)


I’ve learned my lesson.  Thou shalt not save bridesmaid dresses past… one year.  That’s the expiration date.

There’s something seriously wrong with me.

Can someone help me get this thing off?


After posting, (and immediately revising and editing maybe 9 times… there is a reason I do not write and immediately post… and should remember this specifically in future situations in which I am suffering great distress…) I realized there would be no one rushing to my rescue, (nor was I interested in having either of my roommates come home to find me still in the dress…) so I took matters into my own hands.   In a series of events that could easily be mistaken for the long lost alternate ending of Free Willy, I liberated myself from the dress.  I’ll spare the details, but rest assured there were moves involved that would have made any professional contortionist proud.

Upon my emancipation, I came back to my computer and saw a comment from a friend on the Facebook link for this post.  Her comment reminded me that as much as making a buck back on dresses that I’ve spent hundreds on would be nice, another option (nice for others less fortunate, and maybe a boost for my karma) would be to donate the dresses that I’ll never wear again.  Here’s a link to Donate My Dress- thanks for the suggestion, Sarah!

  • Kathryn

    Don’t know if we can get you out of this particular dress… but maybe we can help prevent future catastrophes?? Because no one should have to keep a dress from a wedding that never happened.. :)

  • Lisa

    I like that—-I have a few dresses to donate, not all bridesmaid in origin, but a few from black tie events I’d like to leave in my past :)

    p.s. wtf is up with the Insanity thing? Thought that was supposed to work?!

  • Kyle

    Kathryn- your website looks like a great way to swap dresses! I’ll have to keep that in mind!

    Lisa- Funny that for one black tie event we’ve got completely opposite desires on what to do with the dresses! (Even though I still love my dress I doubt I’ll have anything to wear it to again… but I’ll hang on to it for now anyway.)
    And as far as the Insanity thing goes… stay tuned. I’ll be posting about all that bullshit later this week.

  • Joy

    Hey Kyle, Come get the dresses that are hanging at home. Maybe Caitlin can contribute some too. What about a Rotary Exchange Student Blazer? The only dress anyone should consider saving would be the wedding dress; if for no other reason than to get it out to show your daughters and have a good laugh.

  • JMS

    Wow! This is too easy… So many comments to make, but I will hold back my desire to state the obvious.

    Maybe the “rule of thumb” for trying on old clothes (especially with zippers) should be… hold it up in front of you, if you can see more body than material, don’t try it on!!!

  • LaRocko

    OMG, just got done watching 27 Dresses, and all I could think about the whole time was and the funny blurb about dresses.

    Oh and while she never got stuck in any of her dresses, at least the one you got stuck in wasn’t horrid looking.

    Glad to be a guy and not have to worry about that sort of thing.

Previous post:

Next post: