the super (bad) brownie

January 27, 2011

30 Simple Steps to Guide You Through Making and Experiencing a Super (bad) Brownie

By Kyle.

Step 1.  Want brownies; refuse to make large pan.

Step 2.  Find recipe that makes 8×8 inch pan of brownies.

Step 3.  Make brownies.

Step 4.  Finish pan of brownies in less than 24 hours.

Step 5.  Want more brownies.

Step 6.  Repeat steps 3 and 4.

Step 7.  Repeat step 5.  Feel guilty.

Step 8.  Repeat step 3 with modifications to make “healthy” brownies; Replace pan grease and veg oil with coconut oil.  (Click here to see benefits.)

Step 9.  Repeat step 7.

Step 10.  Think like a chemist, plan to make HEALTHY! brownies.

Step 11.  Research egg substitute.

Step 12.  Consider sugar substitute.

Step 13.  Procure necessary substitutions.

Step 14.  Repeat step 8 with modifications to make HEALTHY! brownies;  Replace 2 eggs with 2 Tbsp ground flaxseed mixed with 6 Tbsp boiling water, (let sit to become gelatinous prior to mixing in).  Replace half of sugar with agave nectar.  Replace half of all-purpose flour with whole wheat flour.

Step 15.  Giggle with excitement while sliding pan of HEALTHY! brownies into oven.

Step 16.  Jump to conclusions; start writing “The Super Brownie” blogpost while HEALTHY! brownies bake.

Step 17.  Dance around kitchen when HEALTHY! brownies come out of oven looking and smelling like brownies should.

Step 18.  Continue dancing while HEALTHY! brownies cool.

Step 19.  Taste HEALTHY! brownies.

Step 20.  Do not gag.

Step 21.  Repeat step 19 with an open mind.

Step 22.  Repeat step 20.

Step 23.  Consider offering taste to cat to gauge true gag inducing effects.

Step 24.  Realize vet bill is not worth amusement factor of feeding HEALTHY! brownies to cat.

Step 25.  Let HEALTHY! brownies sit while rethinking blogpost.

Step 26.  Repeat steps 21 and 22.

Step 27.  Laugh (loudly) and scare cat.

Step 28.  Throw away entire pan of HEALTHY! brownies.

Step 29.  Pour glass of wine.  (Wine fixes everything.)

Step 30.  Write honest blogpost admitting that brownie was not just bad, but that it was super bad.

  • Kuma

    I bought a health muffin yesterday – when I was warming it up in my Mom’s toaster oven it caught on fire – me thinks it had a high sugar content. But I put the fire out, saved the muffine and it tasted delicious.

  • Lisakthrives

    Darn. healthy brownies suck.
    Some things just can’t be health-ified I guess….people rave about bean brownies, and I tried one and thought it was disgusting. So…maybe just learn how to make one serving of real brownies at a time and limit it by portion control not by contents :)

  • Kyle

    I’ve seen those bean brownie recipes too and just never got around to trying them. Good to know it’s pointless to waste my time. :)

  • Jennifer Srmack

    Hah. I spent all last night trying to make super healthy cookies. Replaced butter with applesauce and flour with whole wheat flour. Their not that bad. Kitchens a mess.

  • Christopher Blair Pällischeck

    Wegman’s has Duncan Hines (or maybe Betty Crocker, I forget which) brownie mix on sale right now for 99¢.

    Just sayin’.

  • Kyle Anne Pallischeck

    i’m curious. i can’t change the link to the blogpost so that it will open in a new tab/ window- instead it takes you away from facebook (in the same tab/ window.) so, if you click the link and read the post, why not comment on the blog? instead come back to fb to comment on the link? i’m just wonderin’… many thanks for reading, though!

  • Christopher Blair Pällischeck

    Facebook is nicer.

  • Christopher Blair Pällischeck

    And notifies me when someone else posts, so I don’t have to check your blog eleventy-billion times.

  • Kyle Anne Pallischeck

    disqus comments will notify you when additional comments are added or people respond to your comment on the blog. that’s one of the reasons i switched to that system.

  • Christopher Blair Pällischeck

    Nobody comments on my website, but it doesn’t matter because it’s all Justin’s inane ramblings anyway.

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