patience and waiting

July 10, 2011

Those words strung together don’t really have a place in my life.  Typically when things don’t happen for me it’s because of my own lackadaisical approach to life- being an ambitious procrastinator means I may have big thoughts and plans at times, but pulling it all together in the long run is where things tend to get hairy.

I’m inclined to think I am not a patient person.  I know that when I make my mind up about something I’ll feel the need for it to come together immediately.  If it doesn’t happen straightaway I’m not happy, but have found that it is possible for me to get over things with relative speed and move on with life.  I may forget about wanting something at all, which in the long run makes things pretty easy to shrug off.  Understanding that there are exceptions to every rule, and certain things remain in my brain for inordinate amounts of time, is the key though.  And sometimes this plays out poorly for me because of my tendency to think things to death (learn more about that here)… and then my overthinking leads to being anxious and getting grumpy about things again.

Then again, a friend pointed out that I do have it in me to be patient.  I’ve been demonstrating that indefatigable quality for a substantial period of time now.  She noted that feeling impatient now is clearly reasonable because of the amount of time I’ve actually spent waiting- even though until recently I didn’t really know if what I was waiting for was an option.  Then again?  I guess I still don’t even know if it is.  Or was.  Or… well, whatever.

A lack of expectations can leave me ok with biding my time, simply because I’m honestly not sure of what I am anticipating- it’s maybe only a glimmer, a hope, a desire… but not something of certainty.  However if a silhouette begins to emerge, outlining the possibilities, it then turns the tables… and suddenly waiting is excruciating.  It’s intolerable.  All patience has flown out the window and I’m left feeling like Veruca Salt when she’s exclaiming to her father how strongly she desires to have her own Oompa Loompa.

I want it, and I want it now!  (!!footstomp!!)

I’m not on board with the concept of tying up everything with a bow and putting a cherry on top, ensuring smooth sailing.  This is just my impatience creeping back in, and I know it’s selfish.  But at the same time, when I’m not the only one in charge of making things happen the way I want them to… then I’m shit out of luck.

But enough of my twaddle.  Cheers to playing the waiting game, I suppose.

  • Joy

    Patience can be highly overrated.  You know that when you run out of it.

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