If you haven’t read the first post in “the incident” series, then this post may not make much sense.  This is the continuation of a very long story.

First, though, I’ll answer some questions that I got, here on the blog and elsewhere, as a result of the last post.  Some people have asked why Dan didn’t do more to get Cooper to release his bite.  I didn’t elaborate in my previous post, but Dan was not only on top of Cooper- he had his hands in his mouth, he was poking him in the eye, he was getting bit by the beagle- in other words, he was doing everything he could to get Coop to release.  Had we another moment to find a stick, Dan would have been able to jam the stick into Coopers mouth and get some leverage to pry it open.  However, someone with a gun did not afford us that extra moment.

Some people are going to look at this and jump to conclusions about Cooper.  If you read the comments section in the last post, you’ll see that I describe Cooper’s breed mix- he has the bounciness of his boxer breed,  the beautiful coloring, along with the hunting instincts, of his german shorthaired pointer breed… and his size?… well, his size is most likely attributed to some mastiff mixed into there.  What this mix means is that when around smaller animals his hunting instincts kick in.  There’s many times we’ve seen him go “on point” when catching the scent of something in the air, or stare with intensity at something far off in the distance that we are unable to see.  Unlike stuffed toys with squeaky boxes in them (which Cooper loves to dismantle and spread all around the house), when he is focused on an animal his intent is only to finish the job a (human) hunter has already started.  As a hunting dog he does not seek out small victims to viciously maim and kill and tear to pieces, and he has demonstrated this when he has caught woodchucks in the vineyard where we work.  He grabs it, shakes it, and is done with it.  There was never a point where he wanted to “eat” the beagle.

(Any time you look at pet adoption sites, and see a dog listed as “not ok with cats”, this is exactly the kind of stuff they are talking about.  It’s common.)

He is also the kind of dog that doesn’t have a very acute sense of pain.  I know other people with dogs like this- where he can be bouncing around the house and clock his head against a very hard piece of furniture, or a door jam, or something equally as solid, and it does not faze him at all.  This contributed to the difficulty Dan experienced with trying to get Cooper’s jaws to open.

I’ll also take a moment to point out that almost instantly after the incident- specifically, while Dan was laying on Cooper when the sheriff arrived on the scene- Dan was immediately adamant that he wanted to be kept up to date on the beagle’s condition and expenses.  He wanted to pay for everything that needed to be done to take care of the dog.  He repeated this to the vet, to the investigator who took our statements (probably a couple times), to everyone we spoke to the next day… you’d expect that if there was residential mail delivery where we lived, then Dan would be asking the mailman if he had an update on the beagle’s condition and expenses.  It was assumed that the bills would be presented and paid for.  This is an important fact to remember as we dive down the rabbit hole that is the remainder of the story.

Now, let’s pick up where we left off.  Trust me, you really aren’t able to imagine everything else that has resulted from this one incident.  Grab a drink and a snack kiddies, we’re going to be here for a while again.

Cooper was, amazingly, able to come home the afternoon of the following day.  We picked him up from the vet, and, although his demeanor was still rather subdued, he was very excited to head home.  We needed to make a couple stops around town, including a quick visit with the sheriff so Cooper could say hi, and we were on our way home for the night.

With a bag of rainbow colored bandages and a cone for around his neck, the following day or two went by without much incident.  He was cooperative and willing when we needed to change is bandages, which was 3 times a day, and we couldn’t help ourselves in documenting the situation with photos, debating as to which color suited him the best.

And this is where things start to heat up.  We were wondering about the condition of the beagle- initially we were surprised to hear that it was taken to a vet out of town, but later we learned that the owner (granddaughter of the woman who was walking the dog) had worked at the clinic at some point, which explains why the beagle was taken there (presuming that it had been treated there previously).  We were also wondering about what charges were being brought against the shooter…

This is where two separate stories begin to take shape, even though they are essentially intertwined.  I am going to do my best to tell the stories separately, only because they will be less confusing, but there will be parts where I’ll have to reference the other part of the story, which may not make sense until later, but in the end you will see how this whole thing comes together and makes for one gigantic fucked up situation…

In less than a week after the incident, Dan is presented with an appearance ticket and a court date to determine if Cooper is a dangerous dog.  This is essentially a trial for Cooper’s life.  The owner (? possibly not the owner, it could have been the woman walking the dog, ie, the owner’s grandmother) of the beagle has asked the village court to review the situation, and it’s clear the end result is that they would like to see Cooper put down.

The date was set for July 19th, just over a week after the incident.  Dan and I spent the days leading up to it talking to an attorney, learning about what might be presented at the trial, and what we could do in defense for Cooper. We talked to people and got stories and photos of Cooper interacting with kids and families and other dogs- one of which provided the photo to the right- and we also purchased a muzzle.  We weren’t sure of anything, but we knew it was a good initiative to take.  We also spent a fair amount of time just enjoying Coopers company, because- although we didn’t talk about it- we both knew this felt like a witch hunt, and there were people looking for blood.  (There have been notices attached to residents water bills, notifying them of “vicious dog attacks” in their neighborhood, and recommending them to report any incident they are involved with.)

For the trial itself Dan asked 2 people who both had children and pets that had interacted with Cooper to be present- we didn’t think having a flood of people trail us in would be necessary.  As we walked into the tiny Town of Torrey courtroom we learned that this was a prudent decision, only because the room was filled with people, most of whom I did not recognize, and many were people that Dan was only able to say he’d seen around town.  The trial itself was quick- only people present for the incident were allowed to speak.  I understand that transcripts of trials are available to the public, (albeit expensive), so although I can not recount word for word what was said (which none of you actually want to read anyway), I can tell you that the woman who was walking the beagle spoke first.  She spoke calmly, and passionately, but there were extreme exaggerations in her story.  (Refer back to the first post for what I experienced and see the discrepancies- I won’t waste time re-writing it all here.)  Not only did she say that she heard Dan and I talking in the backyard while walking the dogs, but she says that both dogs were circling her and that one dogs leash tied up her ankles.  (I didn’t mention this before- but both dogs have leashes that retract into the handle case, so when a person is not holding the case it’s dangling from the dog’s neck, not dragging along the ground.)  Needless to say it seemed clear that she was trying to make a case that THE DOGS were after HER, and her dog.

I digress.  The trial moved along- I recounted only the parts of the story that I felt needed clarification from the initial version told to the court, and Dan gave his entire account of the incident.  With each description, the judge stopped us at the part where we (all three of us) brought up the guy with the gun shooting Cooper in the head.  She made it clear that that was a separate incident, and was not part of Cooper’s dangerous dog trial.  She made a verbal agreement with Dan that when Cooper is outside that he be contained and muzzled (this part is 100% documented- it was not a “court order” or something that he has been “required” to do, as some have intimated- it is an agreement between the judge and Dan.)  She also strongly recommended to the woman walking the beagle that she present Dan with the vet bills and ask that they be paid.  The judge then in turn told Dan that he should “be a sport” and take care of the bills when they were presented to him.

There was also a moment at the end of the proceedings where the judge asked if there was anything else that needed to be discussed, and a gentleman uninvolved in the incident spoke up and requested permission to ask a question, to which the judge succinctly replied “No.”  However, he disregarded this response and continued talking anyway, asking if the court should take more consideration upon the “fact” that Dan was unable to get his dog to release, thereby proving that Cooper was truly dangerous… and the judge simply told him this was not something that had any bearing on the case.

(Isn’t it nice a concerned resident felt he needed to point out extra things to the judge, in case she hadn’t heard everything, and suggest that she may have had an error in judgement?)

We left the court feeling that the judge had ruled fairly and evenly, and also that we needed to watch over our shoulder because clearly the town had it out for us and Cooper.

My need for detail is at odds with my desire to really put the meat and potatoes out there about the severe wrong-ness that has stemmed from all of this.  There’s so many more little bits pieces from the trial that I really feel are excessively relevant… but… if you want trial details, some of it can be found in the solid article at the Chronicle website.  I can also offer those specifics, if asked for, in the comments section below.

Backtracking momentarily…  Because of the hateful things the shooter said about Dan the night of the incident, neither he nor I were feeling comfortable about living less than a football field away from this guy.  His initial hearing for shooting the gun was scheduled immediately preceding Cooper’s trial.  Dan requested that an order of protection be served against the shooter, preventing him from coming in contact with Dan at his home, place of employment, etc.  (It does not list me on the order, but as I live and work at the same place as Dan, it essentially protects me as well.)  Included in this order was a requirement to surrender all firearms.  Dan and I were not present for the hearing, but I will quote directly from an article published by the Chronicle Express for how this went down: “When the judge asked for the number of weapons he possessed, he estimated it was fewer than 15.”  The article also quotes the shooter, “Upon hearing [the order to surrender all firearms], the shooter said, ‘They’re going to need a truck or something.’”

Is it just me, or does anyone else’s brain instinctually have the Beavis and Butthead chuckle “Heh heh.. heh…heheh” in their head upon hearing that?!  ”They’re going to need a truck or something.  Hehehh heh… heh heh heh.”  I can’t help it.  I hear that little addendum every single time I read or hear that quote from the shooter.

Moving on, remember that the judge has told the beagle people that they should present Dan with the vet bills, and that if Dan is not “a sport” about it, and it comes across her desk in small claims court, she will require Dan to pay these bills.

Dan starts getting funny phone calls from an insurance adjustor, but is hesitant to return the calls because it’s not clear what it’s in regards to.  Eventually he learns from his insurance company locally that his homeowners policy has been “put on notice” by the beagle family- they are skipping right over the opportunity to be legit humans, and going right for the cash cow- the insurance company.  (We actually learned that she- the woman walking the beagle- used “resources” (friends) in the insurance industry to find out who Dan’s insurer was, and contacted them less than 24 hours after the incident.  They came to Coopers trial- that they asked for- and sat and listened to the judge suggest they ask Dan to pay for the vet bills, knowing that they were already sittin’ pretty.  Lovely.)

Within one month, Dan learns that his company has paid out $X to the claimants, and has, as a result of the incident, decided to drop Dan from their coverage.

There was never any opportunity, despite all his requests, despite the recommendation by the judge, for Dan to pay the bills.

Exacerbating the situation- it was a bit of a surprise one day when I heard from a brother of a friend, who wanted to make sure I knew about a very strange interaction he recently had.  He was receiving an acupuncture treatment, and in conversation with his specialist he learned that she also did acupuncture on pets.  Intrigued, he asked for details- how it was done, what kind of ailments were treated by acupuncture, etc.  This is where the acupuncturist began to detail for him how she was going to do some work on a beagle… that has a skin issue stemming from a recent dog attack… and it’s a friend of hers… so she’s going to do all this work for free… but write a fake bill so that her friend can get money back for it.

Connect the dots.  The beagle family chose to not present the bills to Dan directly.  They have instead presented this fake bill to the insurance company.  I believe that is called: insurance fraud.

We’ve contacted Dan’s local insurance broker with these details, who has forwarded on the information to the insurance company itself.  My friend’s brother is more than willing to tell the full story to a judge… or even just an investigator… but no one has contacted him.  Our concern is that with so many small claims out there, it’s likely that the company will consider this a cost of doing business- easier (and less expensive) to pay out a small claim than to investigate, regardless of the legalities.  But in truth, this is costing us money.  Dan is being dropped from his current policy because of this claim.  We are trying to sell the house and move  (far, far away!), but there will likely be a gap in coverage.  Getting picked up by a new provider may prove to be difficult.  It’s gone from fully willing to pay for bills (and strongly recommended by the judge that the bills be presented for payment), to never having the option to pay the bills, to being concerned about insurance coverage.  That’s an odd flow of events.

There’s so much more!  What of the shooter in all of this?  We know that every time the beagle family tells the story it gets more and more exaggerated… and that the shooter “saved the dogs life”.  I’ll be the asshole and say it- Dan saved the beagle’s life, not the guy with the gun.  Remember?  The beagles’s head was right there too.  The luck that the beagle wasn’t hit by a stray bullet is the same luck by which Dan wasn’t hit by a stray bullet.  And yet… there are people writing letters in his “defense” to the court saying that his actions, while possibly an “overreaction” (yes, quoted from a letter to the judge) were justified and that we “…need more Americans like him.”

Because Cooper did not die, there is no felony charge against the shooter.  As it was a singular incident, there can not be multiple charges of reckless endangerment.  There were DEC charges that amounted to fines- from what I understand they were hunting laws (firing from a roadway, firing in 500′ of a residence).  I’m pretty sure that’s it.

The final (?) trial for the shooter is scheduled for next week.  Although there are many I know that are unsettled by this entire incident, in our community it seems there has not been substantial concern over human life in regards to responsible gun ownership- rather, there is an unmitigated fear about walking small dogs around the neighborhood.  Concern for your pets is legitimate, I will not discount that- but a fear of large dogs should not allow people to justify hate and poor judgment.

We have no civil case filed against the shooter.  Dan continues to suffer from hearing issues that stem from having a gun fired less than 2′ from his face, but the only expectation is that restitution be made for the cost of doctors bills, along with vet bills for Cooper.  We don’t feel the need to add to the lawsuit happy culture that has overcome society these days.

Our hope is for a simple and straightforward outcome – the gun ownership rights of the shooter should be revoked.  There is value in allowing citizens to arm themselves, responsibly.  Once someone has demonstrated a lack of sound judgement and responsibility with their firearms, it is foolish to allow them continued ownership.  A community that permits a man, whose actions are only differentiated between a felony and a misdemeanor by the luck of a dog with a thick skull, to get back his 15 guns (hehheh… heh… heh), is a community that can do nothing but expect more of the same in the future.

Note, like the last post-  the comment section is moderated by me.  Comments (directed at me, at others involved in the incident, or at fellow commenters), that are vicious, malicious, inappropriate, or generally deemed by me to be unfriendly will not be approved.  Also, anonymous comments will not be permitted.  Play nice, but please- share your thoughts, and share this story.

I took a lot of time deciding how I should write this post, and I deliberated about if I really even wanted to.  Both Dan and I have told the story a number of times, and although I know each time the complete story rings true, it still concerns me that the full issue is sometimes lost in the dramatics of the situation.

My intent is to write this as a chronicle of my own experience and feelings on the issue.  I will refrain from listing names (the exceptions being Dan and the dogs, Cooper and Molly, etc.)- if you are resourceful enough, and curious enough, then that information is readily available through local authorities and media.  My choice to write this on my own blog, rather than as a letter to the editor, or whatever, is this- it’s bound to be a really, really stinkin’ long version of the story (you know, the kind I’m best at), it’s guaranteed to be full of opinion (which you know I have plenty of), and (sorry mom) it’s pretty much a guarantee that I’ll swear at least a little bit (and newspapers don’t take kindly to cuss words.)

**Mid-post writing amendment** There is no way this whole thing will make it into one post.  I’ll break this up into multiple posts, for my sanity and yours.

I will also note here, and at the end, that I hope this story moves you.  Should it move you along the same lines and convictions as me?  I’d hope so, that’d be great.  Are there some bound to disagree?  Certainly- that’s their right.  However, I pay real-world monies for this here little corner of the interwebs, and therefore I am granted the gift of comment mediation.  I have no plans to go all FCC censor crazy, but if you feel like being an asshat then you may go do it elsewhere.  Comments (directed at me, at others involved in the incident, or at fellow commenters), that are vicious, malicious, inappropriate, or generally deemed by me to be unfriendly will not be approved.  Also, anonymous comments will not be permitted.  If you’ve got somethin’ to say, be a big kid and own up to it.  Okee doke?

Good.  Let’s get to the story.

Ahem.  This feels strange to type.

Sunday, July 15th.  Come home from long day at the Finger Lakes Drunkfest (ahem) the Finger Lakes Wine Festival at Watkins Glen International.  Our plan is to pile the puppies into the back of the jeep and head up the road to get a bite to eat on a deck, where we can sit and look at a lake and tease the doggies with tasty treats.  The first step, as any good dog owner knows, is to get said canines to potty before putting them in a vehicle, because vehicle rides excite dogs to no end, which makes for messy vehicles… and…

I’m realizing I can’t tell this story with a certain silliness I’ve demonstrated with other stories in the past… so please excuse me while I stick to the bare-bones for this part.  Again, note that there may be some details missing that you might be expecting to hear- this is solely what I experienced.

Ok.

Dan takes both dogs out back, I stay inside.  I hear him yell “Cooper, no!”, which is a common phrase in our house, so I don’t think much of it- until I hear it repeatedly and realize something is not right.  As I come out the back gated area into the lawn I see Dan one house away to my left, in the street, on top of Cooper; I run in that direction.  There is a woman standing next to them and screaming, because Cooper has her beagle by the back of the neck.  Molly has just arrived at the scene and is curious- she is sticking her nose in and shuffling around (as a 12 year old doggies with arthritis will do) to get a better look.

I grab Molly by the collar to pull her out of the way- Dan is basically laying on top Cooper, trying to get his mouth open, and the woman continues to yell for help.  I try pulling on Coopers tail and pounding on his backside, yelling at him to let go.  I realize at the same time as Dan suggests it- it would be better to get Molly back to the house and out of the way, then I can come back and help.

I secure Molly inside the gated area behind the house and return to the street to see that a car is now parked in the road, and a stranger is involved in the situation.  Getting closer, I realize the stranger-man is pounding on top of Coopers’ head with what looks like his fist- my assumption is that he is simply trying to help get Cooper to release.  I’m there barely a moment when the man steps back and drops his arm to the side, at which point I realize he has a something in his hand… and my stomach nearly turns inside out when I recognize it as a gun.

I will interject here, briefly (because it’s my damn story and my damn blog).  I’ve been to a shooting range, once, by my own choice.  I’ve never been enamored by guns, but I was eager to have the opportunity to learn the basics of shooting, and develop a (general) comfort in the presence of a gun.  This situation, however, is the only interaction I’ve had with a gun “in real life”… and god damn, that first sight of the gun in his hand not only shocked the shit out of me- it definitely scared me.  A lot.

Returning to the incident, all my attention is focused on Dan, Cooper, and the man with the gun- the shrieking woman has become background noise.  The man with the gun says to Dan, “I’m gonna shoot the dog”, to which Dan replies, “I’m sitting on him.”  This exchange happens again, with Dan emphasizing even more, “I’m SITTING.ON.THE.DOG.”

It was instantaneous- Dan shifts barely… and the guy leans in and fires the gun.  I blinked or turned my head or something- the bullet-firing part of that scene is missing from my brain, but the immediately pre-and-post gunfire images are there.  With no other actions to try and free the beagle’s neck from Cooper’s bite, aside from beating on Coop’s head (with the butt of the gun, I realized after the fact), this stranger fired a gun, barely 2 feet in front of Dan’s face, into the top of Coopers skull.

Now, he- the crazy shooter guy- turns to me and starts shouting.  This is a blur.  I’m in shock, I’m appalled, and I’m freaked the fuck out- but this demented man is now yelling at me about “…you people and your big dogs…”, and “…the police will be here soon…”, and a bunch of other hooey that is melded into a muddled shouting fog in my head, and I’m yelling back at him to GO HOME.  My brain is railing with thoughts of JUST LET THE DOG DIE IN PEACE FUCKER, YOU DID WHAT YOU WANTED TO DO, STOP YELLING AT ME, GET IN YOUR CAR AND DRIVE THE 3 HOUSES BACK DOWN THE STREET TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM YOU FUCKHEAD, YOU SHOT OUR DOG… but all I can really yell at him is “JUST GO HOME!!!”  And so he does.  He gets into his car, and pulls away.

I don’t notice until I revisit the entire incident in my head later that at this point I’ve lost track of the woman and the beagle- they are no longer present.

I look at Dan, he’s still on top of Cooper, who now has a bloody hole in his head, and I’m shocked.  I don’t know what to do, I expected Coop to be dead instantly, and the fact that he is not is more than I can deal with.  I come back to the house and sit with Molly for a minute.  Eventually I pull myself together and head back out, fully expecting to find Dan sitting with his dead dog.

Instead, I see that Coop is still laying there, looking around, and Dan is still on top of him, talking to him and soothing him.  Our neighbor is now outside, explaining that the police have been called… I feel awkward, like we’re just standing around waiting for Cooper to die.  I call the vet, knowing I’ll get the emergency service since it’s now 8pm on a Sunday night, but it’s the only action I can take, waiting for what clearly seems to be the inevitable.

An amazing amount of almost silent time passes, pacing back and forth, watching Cooper lay on the ground under Dan, and finally the sheriff arrives- only to say exactly what we’ve all been thinking… “Is that the dog that was shot in the head?  What are you still doing here??  Did you call the vet?  You need to go.  I can’t believe you waited.  Get the dog up there.”

I pull Dan’s Jeep around, and to our shock and amazement Cooper gets up- wobbily, but on his own feet- and jumps into the back of the Jeep.  All secured in, we head on up to the vet’s.  For the entire ride Dan and I are amazed to see that Coop, despite being unstable and not as boisterous as he normally would be on the road, is attempting to hang his head out the back of the jeep and enjoy being out for a car ride.

Arriving at the vet, Cooper jumps out of the jeep and walks into the clinic, prompting the vet to ask if he was actually the dog with the gunshot wound to the head.  She shares our astonishment in the fact that he’s walking and aware and… well… not dead.  Her first step is to wrap his head in a bandage, and then take x-rays.  As she takes us in to see the photos, we are unable to contain our laughter.  We explain the joke to the vet- we’ve always known Cooper to have a thick skull… but this…

The bullet entered and fractured his skull, but changed direction and went down the back of his neck.  It was a hollow point bullet, which split into 3 different pieces and lodged along his spine, but not dangerously close.

While the vet tends to Cooper, the sheriff investigator arrives and takes statements from both Dan and myself.  It all seems pretty straightforward- until he mentions to us that the shooter made some disturbing remarks when he was questioned by police.  (At this point, well after the fact, we’ve gotten 2 melded versions verbally from the sheriff, and the actual police report has more specific wording, but none-the-less, the overall intent and impression is the same.)  We’re told that the shooter has said something along the lines of how he’s sick of these “…neo-nazi skinheads and their pit-bulls…” (the other version was “…bald tattooed gorillas and their big dogs…”- without a copy of the police report in front of me I can’t give you the exact version, but you get the point).

Learning that the shooter has made clear (unfounded) hate-based remarks, and that he knows he’s in trouble, and that we live in the same neighborhood, makes me question the sheriff about if it’s actually safe to return home.  I’m not excited to spend the night right up the road from him… but we leave Coop at the clinic to be tended to overnight, and make our way home to Molly who is still confused and worked up. (I will note that the vet was the most compassionate and caring person- when she learned that Cooper suffers from some rather significant separation anxiety, she went home and got a sleeping bag and slept at the clinic that night- something that was above and beyond what she was expected to do- and we greatly appreciate the connection she made with Cooper and her concern for him.)

And at this point, the evening of the incident draws to a close.  Mind you, there were a number of beers consumed toot sweet upon our arrival home, and a bit of scavenging for food, as it was only at this point which we realized our dinner plans had been severely interrupted.  But we tried (unsuccessfully) to get some rest and prepare for whatever the rest of this situation brought on…

Of course there’s more to the story… we’ll continue the drama details in the next post.  But that night, we reflected on a lot of stuff when we got home… including: 1. The shooter could have (but chose not to) exhaust other options first, including (but not limited to!) shooting the gun in the air, or in the ground, or even in the dog’s leg.  The choice of going straight for the head speaks volumes to his intention-in my opinion, which is what the blogpost is all about- to simply kill the dog, and not necessarily get the dog to release.  2. He clearly didn’t care about either dog, because he very well could have hit the beagle when he shot Cooper in the head.  3. He brought himself into a situation that he was previously uninvolved in- presumably to help.  However, in truth (by display of his actions,) he came along and threatened 3 human lives that night.  One, the woman walking the beagle, because while he was pounding on Coopers head with the butt of the gun, the barrel was pointing in her direction; Two, Dan, because when the gun was fired there were a multitude of scenarios that could have resulted in his injury or death (along with the other two humans present, or even the shooter); and Three, Me, because immediately after firing the gun into Coopers head, with adrenaline from the situation pumping through his veins, he turned to me and wanted to do nothing but argue and yell and shout and blame.

And with that, I leave more of the story for another time.  Because, trust me, it doesn’t end here (and, at the time I’m writing this, over a month and a half later, there’s still a bunch of bullshit that’s unfinished.)

I’ll remind you again, like I promised earlier, that unkindness will not be tolerated in the comments section.

When your boss comes to you and tells you he really likes how you write, you smile, chuckle, and say thank you (especially when writing is not necessarily a main part of your job.)

But, when he insists that you really have a special ability to tell someone to “Fuck Off”, and that you may do it best of anyone on staff… well, you sit up and listen.

And, then… you remember how great is was to write frequently, with no purpose whatsoever aside from getting a mess of thoughts out of your head…

Stay tuned.  If you haven’t seen posts on my Facebook lately, you might not know a little incident that happened a just over a month ago, featuring a certain doggie and a crazy neighbor…

Welp, I’ve just renewed my ownership of this domain for 2 more years.  Here’s to the last 2 years I’ve had of intermittent blogging… and the next 2 of hopefully some productive writing.  Do I even still have anyone that reads this shit?

Those words strung together don’t really have a place in my life.  Typically when things don’t happen for me it’s because of my own lackadaisical approach to life- being an ambitious procrastinator means I may have big thoughts and plans at times, but pulling it all together in the long run is where things tend to get hairy.

I’m inclined to think I am not a patient person.  I know that when I make my mind up about something I’ll feel the need for it to come together immediately.  If it doesn’t happen straightaway I’m not happy, but have found that it is possible for me to get over things with relative speed and move on with life.  I may forget about wanting something at all, which in the long run makes things pretty easy to shrug off.  Understanding that there are exceptions to every rule, and certain things remain in my brain for inordinate amounts of time, is the key though.  And sometimes this plays out poorly for me because of my tendency to think things to death (learn more about that here)… and then my overthinking leads to being anxious and getting grumpy about things again.

Then again, a friend pointed out that I do have it in me to be patient.  I’ve been demonstrating that indefatigable quality for a substantial period of time now.  She noted that feeling impatient now is clearly reasonable because of the amount of time I’ve actually spent waiting- even though until recently I didn’t really know if what I was waiting for was an option.  Then again?  I guess I still don’t even know if it is.  Or was.  Or… well, whatever.

A lack of expectations can leave me ok with biding my time, simply because I’m honestly not sure of what I am anticipating- it’s maybe only a glimmer, a hope, a desire… but not something of certainty.  However if a silhouette begins to emerge, outlining the possibilities, it then turns the tables… and suddenly waiting is excruciating.  It’s intolerable.  All patience has flown out the window and I’m left feeling like Veruca Salt when she’s exclaiming to her father how strongly she desires to have her own Oompa Loompa.

I want it, and I want it now!  (!!footstomp!!)

I’m not on board with the concept of tying up everything with a bow and putting a cherry on top, ensuring smooth sailing.  This is just my impatience creeping back in, and I know it’s selfish.  But at the same time, when I’m not the only one in charge of making things happen the way I want them to… then I’m shit out of luck.

But enough of my twaddle.  Cheers to playing the waiting game, I suppose.